Dear: ____________

So... I have lots of feelings about a lot of people.. I wonder if you can figure out who you are?

Dear 1: Grow up. You think you are all that, but you aren't. A lot of people have a problem with you. You can be one of the most fun people in the world.. when you want to be. A lot of people really care about you, but you either (a.) Don't notice (b.) Don't care or (c.) don't know how to express your thoughts/feelings to others. Everyone thinks you are a lot of fun, we just wish you were nice to us half the time.

Dear 2: Don't let other people influence you the way you have been letting them. You are a really good kid, and you are so much fun to be around. You are way better than your friends; Find some new ones!!! Don't let them change you.

Dear 3: You are awesome. I haven't seen you much this year because of being sick, but I seriously miss you. You are one of the most amazing friends ever, and I absolutely love the "get well cards" made out of index cards that I have received from you and my sister. You are one of the best artists EVER and I LOVE seeing all of the pictures of your artwork. We will have to catch up for all of our missed amazing times this year over the summer. Maybe we can wash my car and tie dye again? You are the best.

Dear 4: You are so strong. I don't know anyone that has been through as much as you have, and yet you have stayed yourself throughout everything that has happened in the past two years or so. You never gave up on yourself, and you kept going when things got very, very tough. So many people look up to you and wish they had your kind of strength.

Dear 5: I miss you being the way you used to be. We all had so much fun together when we were little, and then you had to drastically change. We talk about wanting to change you back all the time, but we know that it won't happen. We used to play hide and seek when we were little, and then get into trouble for not coming out when you had to leave. I miss you being so much fun and not having a care in the world. We all miss you.

Dear 6: Come home... please!!!!! Everyone misses you, and you keep visiting only to leave again!! We want you here to stay!! Too bad that won't happen.

Dear 7: You, my friend are AMAZING. I have probably been through the most with you, and you understand me like no one else can.. because they have never experienced the things we go through on a daily basis. We always have SO much fun together. We together are the most quoteable people in the universe. I know that one day we will both be better. You will be the famous song-writer/singer, and I will be the trampoline model. You, are my Fabby. :) I love you!!!!

Dear 8: I met you freshman year... in gym class... where you made fun of my running. :( hahahaha You are my bus buddy/carrowinds buddy/ boot buddy. We always have so much fun!!! You made fun of me last year when I hurt my thumb and was in a cast. And karma struck.. and you got a boot. :) and I laughed SO hard. and then... karma struck again.. and I got a boot!! Except... my boot is sexier than yours... mine has a little blue button that is fun to push :)


Well.... That is it for now. This kid has make-up work to do.

Until Next Time,

Bk

Spring Cleaning, Tie Dye, Prom, and Gallbladder problems?

So what could I possibly have to say about Spring Cleaning, Tie Dye, Prom, and Gallbladder problems?

A LOT.

The past couple of weeks have been very exciting, for sure. I guess I will go all the way back to like three weeks ago. It started off very exciting, because I was doing exceptionally well. We have started cleaning out the attic and all of our other storage areas in the house and moving them to a storage unit a few minutes away from our house. That weekend, our amazing cousin came over and helped us clean things out of our house and move it to our storage unit. After we worked for several hours, mom gave us each money to do whatever we wanted with. We decided to get some things to tie dye shirts with. My sister had the coolest result of a home tie dye project I have ever seen:

Isn't that awesome? I am going to have to let her do mine next time. Mine turned out the best I have ever seen, until I saw hers. Maybe I am just pathetic at tie dying, but her shirt kicks butt.

This post is kind of going nowhere... so I will skip details and get to the good stuff..

(I ended up getting a nasty sinus infection that I could not get rid of, and I can't have antibiotics so I had to get antibiotic injections in my legs... the most painful injections you can get because they go straight into the muscle. They kill. It feels like fire traveling through your legs and makes you want to die. But... enough of that story... I missed a full week of school but then got better.)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That was last week.

Saturday was Prom. I had a blast. It would have been terrible had I missed it. Oh wait... I almost did. Right after I got my dress on and my make-up done, I stood up having bad pains in my right side. It went from seemingly minor to very severe very quick and I almost had to go to the emergency room. It took everything in me to keep it together. Long story short... I sucked it up and went to prom anyway, despite the pain, and it eventually got better. Turns out it was probably my gallbladder. I have been having issues that relate to gallbladder malfunction and I am going to the doctor tomorrow. It looks like surgery is in my near future. Awesome.

Wish Me luck.

BKay

Oh... Prom Pictures.....

Like the dress? Like the hair? Lemme Know.

(I'm done this time.)

- BKay

Good Days > Bad Days

I am finally starting to have more good days than bad. Finally. I feel like I have lived for the time like this.. for the past five years or so. Living trapped inside a sick body is indescribable...miserable... lonely...unhappy. I am so happy to be doing better... and to not be so reliable on that awful medicine and its side effects. It is kind of ironic that I am writing this post about having more good days.. when I am having a bad day (sick day) today. But... I realize that I will continue to get better and better.. and that thought excites me very much.

The medicine that I had been relying on for quite some time changed me so much. I was different. I wasn't the same outgoing, loud, talkative, energetic, ADHD, OCD, friendly person. Instead, I was a silent, exhausted, and unhappy zombie. I now know what it is like to be me again!!! I am so happy, and I have energy again. Before I started to see improvements, I didn't know what I would do with my life. I couldn't see my future. But now, I can. I will be helping others who know what it means to be very sick. I will be the one to tell them that everything will be okay, when they don't see themselves getting better. I will be the one to change someone's life.

While I was typing this blog entry, I was listening to my music on iTunes, when a song came on that I can very easily relate to, along with so many other people. "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus is amazing. Now, I am not a fan of Miley Cyrus at all, but I love the song... Especially this part:

" There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Aint about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb"

I think a lot of people can relate to this song. Everyone has struggles. Everyone wishes that they didn't have major struggles or difficulties in their lives, and that they could get rid of them. Everyone hates to face the biggest challenges of their lives. It isn't easy to face a challenge. It is even more difficult when things don't go your way, because you keep wondering what the outcome would be if things HAD gone your way. But, it is the outcome of the simple daily challenges and the most difficult challenges that make us who we are.

 The more I think about it, I wonder what I would be like had I not gotten sick. Would I be the same? Probably not. I believe that everything happens for a reason. We don't always understand why the things that happen to us happen. Maybe it is simply just to learn how to face reality, and to keep going on with life. But, since I have been sick, I have learned a lot. Being so sick all the time gave me a lot of time to think. I never understood why it had to be me that got sick. Was it to make me stronger? Was it supposed to teach me a lesson? Or.. Did God just know that I could handle it? Whatever the reasons, I learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I was before. I now know that I can handle much more than I ever thought was  possible before. I learned so much more... and I continue to keep learning.

- Brynn Kaitlin

Stairs + Book Bag + Cell Phone + Stupid Fat Cat = Major Fail

Well... this week has been another adventure. Monday morning I woke up feeling great. Five minutes before leaving for school, something awful happened! I was going down the stairs (rather fast) with my book bag on my shoulders and I was looking at my phone. My stupid fat cat decided that it was a good idea to run underneath my feet and make me fall. I fell from the 2nd step all the way to the bottom. During my journey down the stairs, I decided to stick my foot out to the step ahead to try and catch myself. Instead of stopping, I went all the way down the stairs on my ankle, which had ended up being turned all the way inward. (I don't think my 50 lb book bag on my shoulders made it any easier to stop!!!)

I went to the doctor Monday evening and they did x-rays. They discovered that I badly injured the ligaments in the ankle. They also found something weird about my x-rays. They said that they didn't know if it was from a previous injury, this injury, or if the anatomy of my foot was just very abnormal. They suspect that something is wrong with it, and by the way that the doctors were talking, it worried me. (Yes, doctorS. One doctor came in, and then after a few minutes another one came in and looked at my foot, too.) We also told them about my food allergies, and they told us that the allergies had probably weakened my ligaments and joints, making it much easier than normal to have a serious injury by normal activities. (That's why the ligament in my thumb was damaged by a seat belt so easily.) I have ankle problems to begin with, so the doctors were worried about me injuring my right ankle by limping around.

SO... I have to wear a lovely boot on my injured left ankle, which almost touches my knee. I have to use crutches because I'm not allowed to put a lot of weight on it, and it makes it less likely for me to injure my other ankle. I also have to wear a brace on my right ankle to prevent injury. I ALSO have to hold my crutches awkwardly with my right hand to avoid re-injury to my thumb. I ALSO will be put back in physical therapy. I will be given therapy on my newly injured ankle, and also will have to get it on my other ankle.

Thank you, to my stupid fat cat, Zoey for doing this. Greatly appreciated. I will probably have to wear this boot to Prom, and it SO won't go very well with my dress. My luck. To top the rest of the week off (so far) I am sick. Great week.

Until Next Time,
The Greatly Annoyed,
Bk

Last day of spring break.

Well... tomorrow we go back to school. I always hate the end of a break, but I am looking forward to being back. I actually really dread going to school now that I am going to hopefully be back in school "full-time". My goal is to go to school every single day this week. I haven't done that since september. There is soo much stress for me going back to school tomorrow. I have all kinds of assignments to turn in, out of my two classes I have tomorrow- both teachers hate me. They have both gotten into a lot of trouble for not getting me my homebound assignments, and then one of them takes 5 days to answer and email.  As much as I am going to dread those classes, I am still excited about tomorrow. I really miss not seeing my friends.

I am really ready for next year... so that this school year can be over already. There are sooo many factors that make everything stressful. I hate having to think about school, because I can't get it out of my head. But, I've had to think about school a lot while doing my 30 weeks worth of make-up work.

My homebound was extended, so I will still be only going to school for half a day the rest of the school year. I dropped all of my afternoon classes (the school made it not count because it was medical problems) so I will be taking spanish online this summer. The other classes were just related arts and were just extra credits.


I hope that this week goes well, and that the stress can stay to a minimum. Wish me luck!!!

Bk

I am a martial artist.

I am a martial artist.

I see through different eyes.

I see a bigger picture

when others see grey skies.

Though many can't conceive it,

I stand. . . facing the wind.

My bravery, not from fighting,

but from my strength within.

I am a martial artist.

I'll walk the extra mile.

Not because I have to,

but because it's worth my while.

I know that I am different,

when I stand on a crowded street.

I know the fullness of winning,

I've tasted the cup of defeat.

I am a martial artist.

They say I walk with ease.

Though trained for bodily harm,

my intentions are for peace.

The world may come and go,

but a different path I'll choose.

A path I will not stray from,

no matter, win or lose.

~Karen Eden~

I have this on my wall in my bedroom. It really does describe the life of a martial artist, and it is amazing. I know this poem by heart, I look at it hanging on my wall every night.

I just felt like posting tonight, so I decided to post my favorite poem. I spent hours today writing a poem for school. It is so much harder to write a poem when there are all kinds of strict guidelines to go by. It takes all the fun out of it. I actually enjoy writing poetry, but only when I make the rules. I hate having to follow a certain format or whatever. I write differently depending on my mood. My poem I wrote for school wasn't good at all, to my standards. I can only write meaningful things when I am going freestyle based on my mood at the time. Earlier today, I was going through the files on my computer and came across things I did when I was in 5th grade. Some of the poems are SO FUNNY.



Ode to Velcro

Velcro was there for kids who couldn’t tie

Velcro was a hero and that’s no lie.

Children were happy, because they didn’t have to shout:

“Come on, Help me out!”

Looking back at it, things were bad

All children were very sad.

They felt used,

Possibly confused

These were impossible laces,

And there had been many sad faces.

Then, Velcro came to the rescue,

Made on almost any size shoe!

Children were glad

They couldn’t believe they had ever been mad.

Thank you Velcro, we owe you one

What would we ever have done?

Brynn Duncan

I wrote that in 5th grade- we had to write a poem on a helpful invention... I chose velcro? 



Lilly Lufus was a dufus

Her dog Rufus ate

A rock

Sister Cassie was too sassy

Her Dog Lassie killed

A frog

Brother Bobby had no hobby

His Cat Hoppy smashed

A vase

Mama Janet went to a planet

Her Hamster Janet II died

In space

Father Petey was too Creepy

His friend Eydie went

To Jail  

Granny Boldie was an oldie

Her fish Goldie got

All moldy

Hannah, Garrett, and I came up with this in 2005. Garrett came up with the Mama Janet part. hahahahahahaha.

It's amazing how going back through files on my computer can be so much fun.

I was considering posting my poem that I wrote today, but I am not proud of it, so I'm not going to!!

Well.. I was in a poetry mood today.

Until Next Time,

Bk

Strength

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

I've been told by many that this quote describes me; Maybe they're right. I have had to put up with a lot the past several years, and I kept fighting to stay on top. I haven't given up. I may not be able to get into USC for pre-med right after I graduate, but I WILL get there eventually. I will probably go to a tech school of some kind and then transfer from there. (If you maintain a 3.0 GPA, you can automatically transfer to a school, such as USC. I can easily maintain a 3.0) I will reach my goals, I just don't know when. I have had to work so much harder than anyone knows, but many people don't think that my hard work has paid off. I know that it has. I may not have my good grades anymore, or a lot of things, but I have gained so much. 

When I first started taekwondo at the age of nine, I immediately made it my ultimate goal to reach 3rd degree black belt. We had been to a tournament, and one of the 3rd degrees did a demo. I was fascinated by his abilities, such as his "super-strength" and board breaking techniques. I knew that I wanted people to look up to me the way I looked up to him.

I made it to 1st degree black belt at the age of eleven.

Right before I turned thirteen, I got really sick, and nothing was the same anymore. I couldn't eat anything without getting sick, so I stopped eating. I dropped down to 89 pounds. I was 5'8", so it was an even bigger deal because of my height. I lost my strength, and didn't really care about anything anymore; except for reaching 3rd degree black belt. I decided to suck it up and gain my weight and strength back.

I reached 2nd degree black belt a few years later.

I got even sicker. I started having problems again so I stopped eating. I dropped back down to 102 lbs. I started missing more school. My immune system had reached rock bottom and I caught everything. I had five ear infections in one year. I had a stomach bug more times in a year than you can count on fingers and toes!! I was always sick, and I never felt well; even on my "good" days. Once again, I decided to suck it up and deal with it. I wanted my 3rd degree black belt, so I was going to fight harder than ever to get it. I was extremely sick the day I tested for 3rd degree black belt.

Although I was sick, I reached my ultimate goal, 3rd degree black belt.

The week after receiving my 3rd degree black belt, everything fell apart completely. I was even more sick than I have ever been. My immune system was even worse. I got sick every single time I ate.

I have missed over 30 weeks of school this year. I developed asthma and had to quit taekwondo. (I had to go to the hospital because I had a very severe asthma attack, which was how we discovered that I even had asthma.) We discovered that i have food allergies. I am allergic to 72 things. That's why my immune system doesn't function properly. That's why I have had so many injuries that left me in pain for so much longer than normal. (I was in physical therapy for a year with a thumb injury.) That's why I'm the way I am now. 

For the longest time, people said to me, "Man, it sucks to be you!!! You have to deal with so many crappy things happening to you!!" For the longest time, I agreed with them. I have now realized that we were all wrong. I never understood why It took doctors five years to come up with some kind of diagnosis to my problems. I still don't understand!! But, I am happy. I kept saying that sickness ruined everything for me, and took so much away.  I was wrong. I have gained so much. I now know what it's like to have to fight for something. (I had to visit so many doctors while trying to find out what was wrong, and I ended up diagnosing myself!) I fought to push myself harder and harder so that I could reach 3rd degree. I am having to push myself harder every day to bring myself to do make-up school assignments when I could be having fun with friends! I am now in the process of fighting the abdominal pain to avoid taking my medicines, which pretty much make me as "high as a kite." I am learning more and more every single day.  I know how to push myself to the limit, and that is one of the most valuable things that I've learned!

Although I am still sick all the time, I could not be happier with the outcome. I know that there is always someone who has it worse. And thinking about it, I haven't had it too bad at all. I have the most amazing friends and family ever, my health has improved greatly, and I have learned what it truly means to have strength and willpower.

Until Next Time,

Bk

:)